It has been hard for me to blog lately. I took on a new job with a lot more responsibilities, and we’re in the middle of a very important project. Through this project, it has been difficult, if not impossible, to maintain positive and edifying at all times. This project has been riddled with challenges and problems – dealing with them all has taken a lot out of me personally.
If that were not enough, there are countless other personnel and other matters that need my attention that I simply am unable to get to right now. It’s frustrating – every time I turn around, there’s another fire to put out, which makes it even more difficult to get the project I need done.
I told a friend today that I feel like I just ran a marathon, and I’ve been asked to run another. I am drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually – I’m tired, irritable, and dealing with constant feelings of failure.
In times like this, it’s hard not to wonder where God is in all of this. Why do I feel like I’m constantly under attack for trying to do the right thing? Can’t things just go right for once? Are my prayers even being heard?
In my younger days, I would have said that God set his creation in order and then walked away from it. The notion of a personal God who answered prayer was foreign to me. God doesn’t care about his people. He’s mad at us because we can’t keep ourselves out of trouble.
The fact of the matter is that if this is your portrait of God, then you need to find another photographer.
This morning, God placed a story on my heart that reminded me of who He really is. The story is from 1 Kings, chapter 19 – the story of when Elijah ran away to die in the wilderness. When Elijah had reached his lowest point, God sent an angel to provide. Through God’s provision, Elijah was able to get up and continue on.
That’s God – picking us up and carrying us when we have not the strength to continue. It’s like that poem footprints where the person in the story wonders why there’s only one set of footprints during the darkest days of his life and Jesus answers that it was then where he was carried through by the grace of God.
God also uses the people around us to bring us up. Tonight, after another hard day, I opened an envelope with the following note in it from my son:
Dear Mom and Dad –
I love you. You guys are the best parents I can have.
This is just what I needed after another day of feeling like a failure. God put something on my son’s heart that brought light back into darkness. That’s the portrait of God I need to keep in mind. He loves us and will carry us through…always.